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高考英语作文点评

作者:admin    文章来源:盐田区外国语学校    更新时间:2017-10-21

A试题
  
  书面表达(计分15分)
  为了配合国际爱护动物周活动,一家英文杂志邀请各国学生提供有关动物的故事。请根据下列六幅图画,用为该杂志写一篇故事。
  
  bark:vi.n.吠叫
  注意:
  1、故事须包括所有图画的内容,可适当增加细节,使故事连贯。
  2、词数100左右。
  
  B评分依据
  
  一、评分原则:
  1.本题总分为15分,按5个档次给分。
  2.评分时,先根据文章的内容和语言初步确定其所属档次,然后以该档次的要求来衡量确定或调整档次,最后给分。词数少于80或多于120个词,扣1分。
  二、内容要点:
  1.父母住在农村
  2.家里有一条狗,名叫阿福
  3.父母带妹妹和阿福去田间劳动
  4.妹妹走向河边,阿福跟随
  5.妹妹摘花,失足落水
  6.阿福边叫边跳下河
  7.父母跑过来,看见阿福救妹妹
  8.妹妹得救,阿福受到称赞
  三、各档次的给分范围和要求:
  第五档:(13-15分)能写明全部或绝大部分要点;语言基本无误;行文连贯,表达清楚。
  第四档:(10—12分)能写明全部或绝大部分要点;语言有少量错误;行文基本连贯,表达基本清楚。
  第三档:(7—9分)能写出基本要点;语言虽有较多错误,尚能达意。
  第二档:(3—6分)能写出部分要点;语言错误多,影响意思表达。
  第一档:(0—2分)白卷,或文不对题,或错误百出,不所知云。
  四、说明:
  1.内容要点可用不同方式表达。
  2对紧扣主题的适当发挥不予扣分。
  
  C综合分析
  
  英语作文和作文相比,前者更注重开门见山和内容的一致性。就是说文章要遵循相关性原则。篇首的句子不能偏离主题,段落中间支撑主题句的句子不能涉及题外话。有时看起来貌似相关的句子实际上与主题无关,此时必须注意。例如:
  Spring recess was the best vacationl Ihave ever had.One day we travelled bycar。Our car broke。down three times,and we。spent all our money trying to getit fixed.We could n6t afford a hotel tostay,so we had to sleep in the car.Thenext day we hitchhiked home and fetchedmore money to repair the car.
  这是让写An lncident in Spring-Recess(春假里的一件事)的一段文章。从整段文章的内容看,作者是写了发生在春假里的一件事,而且是a sad incident(一件糟糕的事)。但是,段首句却是说的;the best vacation(最好的假期)。显然,作为主题句(topic sentence)的第一句话就偏离了文章的内容,成了一个多余的句子。如果我们把第二句作为第一句,写成One day inthe spring recess we travelled by car.那么整段文章就好了。
  同样,在段落的展开句或支撑句中也不能出现无关的句子。例如:
  One of the most important men in oursociety is the garbage mall.Each yearmore and more garbage is producde andmore men are required to dispose bf it.These men do this“dirty work”desoitethe danger of being disabled(残废)or killedby the blade of the disposal trucks.Ifmore people realize how important thegarbage man’s job is,perhaps his work-ing conditions would improve.My brotherused to work on a garbage truck.He quitbecause the job was too dangerous.
  (选自刘毅主编《TOEFL英语作文技巧》)
  本段最后两句似乎也与garbage man相关,但与主题句的制约思想却毫无瓜葛,因为m ybrother害怕dangerous job的行为与整段文章颂扬garbage men的思想格格不入。
  现在我们再回到1993年高考书面表达题上。从所给的6幅图上看,该试题是要求写一篇记叙文,而且记述的事情是发生在田间的事。但在“评分依据”的“内容要点”中所列的第1点“父母住在农村”就与事件的内容关系不大,可以说是一个与主题无关的句子,不如直接以One daymy parents went to work in the fields,followed by my younger sister and our dogAh Fu.开篇为好。这样,就更符合英语记叙文的写作方法了。如果要有这么一个内容要点,也最好将其说成“父母是农民”。因此,全文的框架可以有如下两种:
  Version 1.
  One day my parents went to work inthe fields, followed by my younger sisterand our dog Ah FU.While they were working,my sister walked to a river nearby. Ah Furan) after her. She was trying to pick aflower when she fell into the river. Ah Fubarked and jumped into the water immediately.When my parents heard Ah Fu barking theyran to the river.They saw Ah FU swimmingtowards the bank carrying my little sister.My parents praised Ah FU warmly。It wasour brave Ah Fu who had saved my little sister.
  Version 2.
  My parents are peasants.They keep adog called/named Ah Fu.One day myparchts took my sister and Ah FU alcng tothe fields.When they were working, mysister went to a rivar nearby. Ah FU fol-lowed her there.She was eager to pick aflower.While she tried,she suddenty fellinto the river.Ah FU barked and jumpedinto the water at once. As soon as mypatents hesrd Ah FU barking they ran tothe rivar and found Ah FU carrying my littlesister toward the bank in the water.After Ah FU got on the bank with my sister, myfather, while patting the dog on the head,praised.Ah FU sincerely,"It is you who have saved my daughter from danger.Thankyou very much."
  
  D作文点评
  
  例文1(原文照录)
  It was fine.Father,MOther,my young sister and AFU, the name of a dog, Wentto the field.When they got there,Fatherand Mother began to wotk,and my young sister went away to play, followed byAFU. She went to lood for wild flowers,With a basket in her hand. After a while,She found a beaufiful one near a river.She was so joy that she hurried to reachit. With carelessness she dropped to thewater and began to cry. The clever Afusaw, and kept on barking towards Fatherand Mother.In the meanwhile,he jumped into the water and soon got my youngsister out of water.When Father and Mother come up,my young sister wasalready out of danger.They were de-ighted at what Afu did.
  What an interesting day!What a cleverdog!
  ◆评析:

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